Redbreast Sunfish

She's gone. Gone. Gone, oh so very gone. The word echoed again and again, reverberating in the shell of Rowan’s hollow corse. When Maria had left him, she hadn’t forgotten to steal his life, love, and happiness from him. She had rendered Rowan a destitute beggar, dying for purpose. Eyes glazed and mind washed over, Rowan could not make sense of what had happened. He heard her voice by day, and saw her ghostly figure by night. Soon, he even challenged Fate himself. If she had long since disappeared, why wouldn’t Maria stop pestering his very soul, his very thoughts, his very dreams? She was gone, yet ever so close to him all at once. Broken hearts never heal, it seems. This excruciating pain, all encompassing and everlasting. Pained and drained, Rowan succumbed at last to his unfaithful wife. At last, he stared blankly at the murky water, letting the memories begin their trance. His mind was their stage, his conscience only a spectator.

Only a few moons ago when the waters were chiller, he and the other boys had banded together. Together, they had endured the cruelest times, huddling tightly as one and drifting into the depths to seek warmth. Nevertheless, Rowan knew winter wouldn’t last forever. They had no other choice. As if acting in harmony with the cold, everyone said their goodbyes and dispersed. Rowan was left wandering about with no friends or purpose. He even found himself straying into the shallow areas, where ground and air neared to kiss. Oh, how he yearned for something to chase and satisfy his boredom. A bug, a hook even- though he knew that was taking it too far. Little did he know spring was fast behind him, and she would nip him in the tail anytime.

As the days grew warmer, so did he. Inside him grew a burning passion, an uncontrollable feeling. Gradually, the wanderings turned into pacings, and eventually the scope of his trailing had dilated down into a single area. It was a beautiful spot. Rowan had always had a confident fishonality, but he found himself more possessive than before. Oh the manly urge to build a nest! Rowan didn't know of it, but it had already conquered him. Before long, he had cleared the area of all impurities, and began his craft, encircling an area to carve into the earth to create a cozy depression. The nest was deep- perhaps to a segment of those big rods occasionally found about the pond. Every so often, he would find a spot of silt, and being his perfectionist self, would brush it away with a fin.

Almost a week had passed, and though Rowan had thought the nest had satisfied him, another irritation nagged and clawed in the depths of his chest. He was lonely, despite having countless new neighbors living right beside him. These fish that seemed to have a similar connection to the area like Rowan- or as Rowan liked to call them: Copycarps. The territorial tensions among them had created crevasses among the nests. The men could barely even choke out a “goodmorning” to each other without grimacing. Yet Rowan knew it was not the uneasiness between him and his neighbors that drove him mad. No, that pain was not just loneliness. That’s right. It was a desire for a partner.

Fortunately, this very problem was patched before Rowan could even complain. The very next day, she who swept across his gaze had Rowan absolutely hooked. Oh, and she beheld such incomparable and dazzling beauty unseen elsewhere. His gills choked. He had to take a double take. It was as if he saw a star in the midst of a pitch dark atmosphere, shining so blindingly bright that everything else became irrelevant at once. Entranced by her enchanted eyes, and deluded by her lustful witchcraft, Rowan had fallen head over tails for her. In less than three quick strides, he was at her side. He, a pushy cleaner fish, and she, his potential customer. Around and over and all about he circled around her. She was truly incomparable to anyone else, anything else in this world. Rowan was ready to swear it all for her.

And by the gods! She smiled back, looking Rowan in his eyes and reciprocating the very love he had sworn for her. After only a few moments, a patch of small orbs laid softly in the nest.

Babies. He whispered. My very own.

His eyes were their own spheres containing the world, jewels glittering at the sight of his younglings. No greater pride mended his ached heart, no greater force could split the bond that so tightly tethered the father to his children. Hour after hour Rowan fanned his anal and caudal fins to provide a constant flow of oxygen, relishing at the sight of them, oblivious to the world encompassing him.

But when he looked up to call over to Maria, there was no response- only to see her tail flopping back and forth in the distant waters, propelling her into the growing darkness. Right. Left. Right. Left. Gone. The last direction of her tail seemed to be telling Rowan something: Maria would be leaving forever. Just as quick as Maria had disappeared, he was back suddenly, reality as imminent as ever. He found himself staring right at where his flashback had ended. There was no Maria by his side, only the eggs.